This is a new one.. Something so the same.

I get a mixture of feelings when I think about my mom, and why she moved me out to Saskatchewan. I often wonder how my life would be different if I still lived in Pentiction.. Seeing all the kids I went to school with.. Then I wonder how I would be different if I was still in Princeton. But I think I know that answer. I would of probably been in a position that wouldn't look to good. But I really hate my mom when I think about everyone and the friends that they grew up with.. I could of had friends that I grew up with, have amazing friendships =/ . But I don't and I won't ever again. So. I have to learn how to deal with the now, and get rid of my anger or whatever conflict I have inside of me.. I just hate feeling like no one really knows me..

I told this girl I just met, but she's different, she .. gets it, more than most people would have.. I told her my past O.O .. Almost all of it.. I've never told ANYONE my whole entire past. But I KNOW that she won't judge me.. I see a great friendship here.

My friendships are my alcohol.

And, the hole keeps growing bigger, and bigger. That one that I can feel forming each and every day..

I want you. LOL. That is all I can say. AND FUCK I HOPE NO ONE READS THIS POST hahahh...

But I want to wait, but I am SICK of waiting =/ (obvious yet). I guess for now, all I can say is that this is my daily routine.. Maybe, Forever more also. There is no point to wait for somebody that will never come. And there's no point to wait for somebody that will waste time when trying to get to you. And there is no point to wait for somebody who doesn't want you waiting for them.

I need to get my head out of the clouds, and bulk up..

Please let me be for the day. But never leave me.

x.