Can't there be anything else that im better at.. Then sitting up doing nothing but reminising.. Oh ! Right, how could I allow it too slip my mind?! Crying. cry. cry. cry. Stupid girl. Can I start by saying I miss you, my best friend.. We dont even tak anymore ! A best friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out, our saying. Out love. Our world. I need you now. You're pretty much the only person that got me as much as you got me.. I dont even care that you may have done things that hurt us both.. And i've said sorry far too many times to count. I dont see how you can go on living when i'm slowly disintegrating is the past. Does that even make sense. Right now.. Nothing does though. I cant go through this again.. I HAVE to STOP thinking about my life.. and feeling sorry for myself, sometimes i wonder how i do it so carelessly.
You'll never mention love.
Everytime i erase the thought of you.. Something makes me remember.
And I dont think you get it.. every laugh, every word.. I just keep falling more and more into you.. my fingers get weak, my eyes tear up and my heart stop in mid beat. It hurts me that you dont even care.. and as you dream about her, i dream about you. Yaahhh, kinda fucked up hey ! Just like my life. Jeezze. I feel so emo sometimes.. and like such a deprso.. but its just I have so much too offer, I have a free hand ready to grasp yours..
But you dont care. I have all this friendship and just plain, beautiful. Love. A word, that I fear, but i feel. I feel so insanlyyyy. I dont even know how to tell you this ? And i dont even know if you'll get it.. I've had this happen before though.. This mess of feelings, it totally diminishes the bad, seperates the good, and spears the willing. I dont want to be your " fall back " I dont want to be the one that always loved you but you dont realize it till .. Well whatever, yooosss get my point.
Its like I get this feeling inside of me, telling me that im so wrong, but yet so right.
Im pretending to be someone im not.. But yet im so deep within myself, Im not someone im not. I know EXACTLY who I am, how to take myself .. I may not know how to react or feel at times, but at least i can say im confident in myself. No matter how many times i fall down, get beaten up , drift in the space that lays between fantasy and surrealness. This hurts. A wund that won't stop bleeding, the presure is on it. But somethings missing.
I love you.
Stop hurting me.
Start believing.
Make more wishes, fall deeper, be more careless and OPEN YOUR EYES.
Stop judging.
Its doing nothing.. nothing, for you, me and this world we've created.
Rannndommm thoughts everywhere.. I just neeed to vent, tell someone. Let go. I need my lifes back, the ones that were never too far for a hug.. I'm afraid im going to fall back into my " state " .. the one were i have to go to the dr and take medication and just lay there.. without eating. Without feeling. The hurt im putting myself through, all because im soo committed to you..
I have SO much, TOO much to say.. But you don't even care.
Stop making me believe your feeling this too.
x.
I miss my best friends.
