These are the moments we'll remember forever. And the days that will soon fade. My pictures will only make me weaker. I stare at my albums, and my facebook pictures, photobucket pictures and the ones that hang above me on my wall.. This gap, it hurts. I dont know how to explain it, just this huge hole .. I wonder if that hole will ever go away?. I get the feeling of " guilt " Often. I mostly wonder if im too selfish. If I think about myself, and put myself before others to much. I try to be there for people.. But some people just don't understand. I'm a friend. A freaking human being! I dont have the answers to everything, but I want you to come to me for everything. I want her, and him, and you to let me help you. When I try to help people, I feel better.. Im not nosie, (sp?) no. It just helps my inprove myself in ways. Not by hearing other peoples problems to make me feel better, but to reasure myself.. So that I know im not the only one going through this kinda of stuff. Is that selfish? .. I kind of want to write an advice colum in mags. when im done school. Either way, im going to uni for media and journalism with broadcasting. I want to be a news anchor too. fml. Anyways..
I want to fall deep into this hole where my feelings are surpressed against me, maybe the way I could start to understand them more. If i become more in contact. open and express more. Only, what if this doesnt work out? Im already trying to become me, becasue ive lost myself in this huge mess that has happened in the past years, or maybe it was just building me?. I dont think people understand that, i've been through it all. Everything. Lierally.. everything. I have things that no one has managed to reach deep enough to grasp ahold of. I have things so deep within me that I've even forgotten about. Somedays though, they bubble to my surface.. and they show. They make me more weaker and somedays they show more than others, allowing myself to have more open holes that people just punture more and more. Making me fall harder.. I'd be put away for half the things that have happened in my life. I want a hug.
I just wish that someone would sit there, and listen to me for a change. And give ME advice. and tell ME that im going to make it through. .. I guess im not going to get that any time too soon though, hey?,
Shhut up Madison, you have amazing friends. And im just being stupid..
URGH
Fuck the people who fucked me over..
x.
