I dont know. I have A LOT to say today. As soon as I wake up I think of things to write out..
Everything just comes fast.. Almost too fast. It gets scary. Sometimes I dont even know how to function. Erm.. ? Today: Abstract feelings everywhere. As I tell the people that I now reli on, things, and how I regretfully fall father away from the ones that once were my everything. Sometimes, I wonder how my mother could do what shes doing to me.. Or what she has been doing to me. People here dont get it. They don't get that you CAN fall far from someone you once, or do love. Its something that happends. Time can tear you apart for something you love. Even if that something is reachable, at your front door or wrapped around you. Its easy to lose. Its hard to gain it back.. Once something is gone, its more than likely gone, right?. No.
Sometimes i have to stop being so stubborn. I need to get over my past, or THE past, and move on with my life! focus on the now. Because what happened in the past is hardly going to affect my future.. But then I dont get it ? Becuase my past DOES affect my furture.. Alot actually. ..
Everything just comes fast.. Almost too fast. It gets scary. Sometimes I dont even know how to function. Erm.. ? Today: Abstract feelings everywhere. As I tell the people that I now reli on, things, and how I regretfully fall father away from the ones that once were my everything. Sometimes, I wonder how my mother could do what shes doing to me.. Or what she has been doing to me. People here dont get it. They don't get that you CAN fall far from someone you once, or do love. Its something that happends. Time can tear you apart for something you love. Even if that something is reachable, at your front door or wrapped around you. Its easy to lose. Its hard to gain it back.. Once something is gone, its more than likely gone, right?. No.
Sometimes i have to stop being so stubborn. I need to get over my past, or THE past, and move on with my life! focus on the now. Because what happened in the past is hardly going to affect my future.. But then I dont get it ? Becuase my past DOES affect my furture.. Alot actually. ..
Sometimes people come and people go, but there not suppose to be there forever, even if you think that. They could be there just so you feel whole, complete or wanted.
I dont know what I mean anymore. Just that you need to let go sometimes. And move on.
I passed you a billzion times in the hallway today, isnt it funny how we CANT talk to each other but yet ask my friends about you, and yours about me. We can make eye contact from across the hall. You with your group, and me with mine. We walk to classrooms that are side-by-side but yet make no move towards each other. Your friends talk to me in my classes, and you don't know how close they are too me. You're not the only one who does this. I dont want you to know how I feell.. Thats just insane. And I dont want you to feel the way you feel.. Thats just out of line. But yet, you seem to be everything.
I dont want a relationship.. I dont do thoes.. They scare me..
I want to know that you will always be there though. And follow through on your word.
I love going to school, just to see you. Everyday you inch closer to my locker. Sitting in my spot in the hallway. Yours is close.. But not close enough. Why are you doing that. Why do you look at me, and smile at me, and walk around when i walk around to bump shoulders in the hallway, why do you not let me know.. Why does it feel so obvious. Why can't we do this secretly?..
Why can't I notice the people that like me. Why is it that I want the people that dont need me. How come you're so amazing, I adore you, but yet you cant even see it. How come, when someone actually does like me, and I like them.. I can't bring myself to accept it.. Why or what am I so afraid of.. Sometimes. I'm my own best friend =(.
Does he even want me? how he acts makes it seem so. Kristen told me its obvious. How come i cant see it then?.
x.
